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I really need help on this one – FEEDBACK HUGELY WELCOME!
The following conversation took place this morning at my cubicle. M- is my (male) boss, and A is (female) me.
M: Yadda yadda yadda workstuff.
A: Yadda yadda workstuff; and hey, how was your weekend?
M: Oh, sucked. My girlfriend just refused to go see the Simpsons movie with me.
A: Haha, she doesn’t hate Simpsons, does she, coz that would be blasphemy.
M: Oh, hey are you a fan? Do you want to go see it with me?
A: Er, okay?
M: Cool. Let’s make plans.
(20 minutes later)
M: So hey, A, you sure your husband won’t mind if we go see this movie together?
A: Oh no. And he’d probably want toc ome with us anyway!
M: Nah, we should just go ourselves. Do you want to do this tonight?
A: Er… no, I have plans tonight and tomorrow – maybe Wednesday after work?
M: Sure. See ya!
Is it just me, or was there something wrong with that conversation? Should I be trying to coerce my husband/other colleagues into joining us?
You should also know I am
(a) New to this job (1 month)
(b) Clueless about workplace propriety, this being my first real job and all
(c) Indian (which gives me no cultural context in these matters, HALP)
Great blog you have a livejournal – love the layout – am needing to change the layout here . . . oh so much to do! You’ve probably already seen the Simpson’s movie, but you have an excellent question that needs a decent answer.
To answer your question, yes, there was something wrong with that conversation. Your boss’ request to get together that night is totally inappropriate! I mean really, he knows he should give you at least three days notice before a date. 😉
Okay, that was meant to be funny. The request to get together, particularly alone is not acceptable. He has put you in an unnecessarily uncomfortable position. In essence, he is testing your boundaries. Since you are new to the “real job,” you need to play it cool with work colleagues both above and below you until you really get the lay of the land. Playing it cool means, ONLY officially organized group outings.
At work, friends are not friends. Now, there’s no reason to be paranoid, but do be cautious and a bit reserved with your after hours office social gatherings. Even after you have established yourself as a great employee it is not a good idea to mix too heavily with your work peers. One day they may be reporting to you…. You don’t really want them to know the intricate details of your life, particularly if you are ever in a situation where you have to let them go (fire or layoff). It may seem like a far stretch now, but just keep it in the back of your mind.
Great question! Keep ’em coming, I’m back in town and should be able to respond more quickly.
P.S. Word to the wise, don’t be the one planning the group outings. Here’s why, you become the “social coordinator” person which means (often times) you get put in a category of less essential people – no matter what your actual job is. It is totally mental in the folks up the chain – nothing you can do about that. It’s not fair, not right, not cool, but it is what it is.
IS it Rude,to be eating a candy bar,in your boss’s office while she is talking with you.I think it’s very tacky,a male co-worker did this to our sup-she was stressed over some personal problems and this clod,just chomped on his bar like ok so what the plan boss..HE is a TURKEY,,