A lighter side to cubicle etiquette today. If you haven’t discovered hulu.com, go, watch . . . just not during work hours.
SNL’s version of a cubicle fight. It’s PG-13 for violence, but perhaps something you’ve considered.
So in the vein of Jack Nicholson’s famous rant, “…You can’t handle the truth!” I share the following:
“The cost of failure, successful people know from experience, is very modest compared to the cost of inaction. Failure means you are smarter the next time. Inaction means there is no next time. There is only a lifetime of unhappiness - first of worry and then of regret.” - Michael Masterson
Don’t make a life of regret. Take action.
I recently had an Aunt chide me for not having a “real job.” I suppose she meant working for someone else, but the reality is, I have 3 employees who depend on me not having a “real job.” For what it’s worth, my family can’t understand that I am actually really enjoying self employment - one of the perils of an academic and professional (i.e. lawyers and doctors) family.
So if you are considering a blast into your own entrepreneurial adventure, I whole-heartedly support you. Do make the proper preparations, but once you have, damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead! Get to it!
Want to read more of Masterson’s work? Try his ezine Early to Rise or one of his books on Amazon.
Do you wonder who your coworkers most resemble? Have you considered that you sit in a cubicle zoo, not an office space?
The Cheetah: Fast, sleek, but like the name says, a cheata. This is the just a touch too slick sales guy who slips in and out of the office in record time avoiding office time with the boss. He is likely to have a gym membership and use it . . . that’s where he picks up some of his “clients.” He does enough very well and covers up the rest with such charm you never know what hits you. If you are down-to-earth, you inherently distrust him when you first meet him, but somehow you walk away thinking that you may be wrong. Nope, he’s just that smooth.
The Penguin: Loyal, formal, rounded and grounded. Every office needs a Penguin. Penguins remember what happened in the company last year and 20 years ago like it was yesterday. They are excellent for institutional knowledge. They are also not likely to go anywhere until you push them out the door. They are NOT sales people. Stable people in stable positions - accounting back office, administrative assistants . . . they are also likely to have 10 pictures of their grandchildren on their desks. You may have to request they remove excessive crayon renderings of Sponge Bob. They are usually inexpensive, hold vast quantities of institutional knowledge and are easy to keep around. May or may not be particularly effective at their stated jobs.
The Ostrich: Curious creatures, the ostrich is a funny looking zoo member. Always on the go, flitting about as though there is a great rush to get something done, yet, doesn’t manage to produce much. The ostrich constantly looks busy and hides his head when trouble approaches. Perfectly content to maintain the status quo, ostriches can not comprehend what you tell them when you ask them to do something new. It is remarkable. How they ever learned how to drive a car is beyond me. . . . They probably didn’t learn it well so avoid parking near them.
The Crocodile: Lies in wait ready to chomp you. This is the best personality to guard the CEO’s door. The Croc feeds on mammals large and small if they get too close, but isn’t trying to cause any harm. They are testy, do not poke with a stick . . . ever. This is a lousy person to be near on a cube farm. Crocodiles should be in positions with enough importance that they are away from everyone else, mostly for the safety of everyone else. Crocs are there to guard not produce.
The Python: run, run fast if you have one of these. Pythons slither about indiscriminately sucking the life out of whomever, whenever. At first you think he’s a cheetah, but cheetah only kill those who are weaker and in their way. Pythons kill for pleasure. They are slick, slippery and very, very strong. Pythons end up in positions of power because they “kill” off those above them. Unrepentant about sabotage, nothing can impede a python’s path; he knows he can choke the life out of you eventually. If you think you have a python on your staff, get him transferred away from you asap.
Your corporate board? Probably Monkeys. Scared little monkeys flinging sh*t at each other.
Victor Kipling prefers Rat, Chameleon, Peacock, Bear, Rabbit, Lion and Lemur for his assorted cubicle zoo.
A little old fashioned office etiquette for making introductions, particularly outside the office. Be careful in making introductions. It is easier to evade than to cause disagreeable complications. It is unpardonable to introduce one party to another after having been warned not to do so. Board Members can be particularly tricky about remaining anonymous with employees of the organization, be aware.
Forgetting a person’s name when about to introduce is awkward; when it does happen, apologize and ask for the name. It is also acceptable to request the other to, “Remind me of your full name.” In some circles this implies you remember the person’s name, but need help with the full name . . . few people are fooled by this, but it is polite. If you have had to ask the same person for his or her “full name” at more than one occasion in the past year, you have failed yourself with poor form. Get a course to remember names and study it. Daily. Until you get it.
If a person fails to hear the name, it is proper to inform the one to whom you are introduced and to say: “Pardon me, but I failed to hear your name.” In making introductions one should distinctly pronounce the names.
Men should always be introduced to women, the younger to an elder person, and if a purely social situation, unmarried persons to the married.
When an introduction occurs, future recognition is not warranted. For this reason great care should be exercised at entertainments that only those who are congenial to each other should be brought together. At small gatherings it is more appropriate to introduce. When many are present, it is not necessary to do so.
It is quite proper to introduce one group to another without formality at any sports function. Such introductions need not imply further acquaintance if undesirable.
Small diversion today: So you really want to be a rock star? If you’re a musician or know one, you’ll want to check this out:
Did you know that eMarketer predicts music download sales will surpass CD sales by 2010? Does anyone actually purchase CDs now?? I haven’t seen one in at least 8 years….
If you know any musicians, or if you want to be a rock star, this info could be exactly what you need to launch a career in music.
Here’s a double opportunity:
1. You submit your video and get immediate circulation of 250,000 people - this is not a YouTube “no one will see you” site. It’s this guy’s blog and that’s how many hits he had last month.
2. He is teaching a course. You have a chance to win the course and if you do not win, purchase the course. But you are not at all obligated to do that - you still get great traffic and attention for your video - no purchase necessary! Course price is under $100.
If you think you can shake it better than Sanjaya, go post your video. If you do post a video, let me know and I’ll go check it out and maybe even vote for you. Can’t promise you’re going to have groupies by February, but if this is up your alley, why not?
Job Interview Etiquette tips for dressing with WSJ reader tips and a heavy hand from Miss Mentor.
1. Wear well made shoes, spend a bit more than you think you can afford. Women: closed toe and heel for women. Men: no tassels.
2. Suits: A fine suit will cost a little more. Do have it tailored. Gentlemen, choose a darker color though a tan suit can be appropriate. Opt for a blue shirt (not white) if tan suit is clearly appropriate. Ladies, avoid pastels and crimson. Choose a skirt suit over a pantsuit as a pantsuit inspires similar objections as men’s bow ties.
3. Make-up: no fake tans on either men or women. I stopped an interview once with a fellow who’s fake tan icked me out - his concern for appearing to be leisure class ultimately tipped him right out of contention. We have a serious work environment. The mentality of Fake Tanners is unacceptable. Being overly shiny: fake tan, high gloss lipstick, high polish fingernails, can send the message that you care about your appearance to the point of obsession. Look good, but let it be natural. Take out all visible piercings other than one in each ear lobe. Conceal obvious tattoos until you have the green light.
4. General: avoid fashion statements (unless interviewing with a fashion house in the design department - if in the Finance department, rules still apply), TURN OFF YOUR PHONE, discard your gum/mint/candy, roll your shoulders back and sit with pride. If you don’t know how to sit straight, go take a few Pilates classes and figure it out.
5. Your posture can seal your fate: stand and sit relaxed, strong, proud, but not boastful.
Last note: an ascot is not a tie. Ascots are much more informal than ties. Ascots are for hunting, lounging and other non-work activities. Bow ties are likewise not appropriate for interviews though can be appropriate in the office environment.
A personal note as an employer, interesting tattoos don’t bother me a bit, unless you are in certain forms of sales, but a fake tan sends me around the bend. There is nothing artful about a fake tan. It shows a lack of creativity on your part. If I want homogeneous employees, I’ll clone them myself. Same goes for “common” tattoos: butterfly or shamrock on the ankle, etc. The lame tattoos make it blindingly obvious that you have no creativity and are ultimately just as lame and insecure as the fake tan aficianados.
If you have a cool tattoo, keep it and tell me the story. Otherwise, get that thing zapped off before I see it.
YOU SPOKE! One of the clearest survey results that came was an interest in entrepreneurship. While I don’t believe one can teach another, “How to be an Entrepreneur,” I can share the interviews I have collected over the past few years and the information I use to refine my own approach. To that end, let’s start with a conversation about Angel Investing.
Angel Investors are the bridge between funding from your friends and family and the Venture Capital investors. Some Angel Investors will offer money for an equity stake while others will offer a loan that usually requires a smaller equity stake ultimately. For example, one deal I am considering right now (casual terms):
Choice A: I relinquish 20% of the equity for a 30% infusion, provide a preferred annual return of 10% and payback the original investment in 3 years. The 20% equity remains in the hands of the Angel Investors.
Choice B: The Angels receive 51% of the current equity today for an infusion of 30%, receive a 10% preferred annual return and principal payback over 3 years. As the principal is repaid, the equity stakes are reconfigured. Once all principal is repaid, the Angel Investors retain a 5% interest in the company with no preferred return - dividends only if we pay them.
That second one looks a little crazy, but this is an acquisition so the angels will be providing a guarantee on the bank note that covers the other 70% of the purchase price. Since the current owner is willing to finance the purchase and the company is very cash flow positive, I will probably do a multi-step Management Buyout instead. If you have other thoughts, please do share!
The point at which you consider seeking Angel Investors is when you are very serious about the growth of your company, you have studied thoroughly the capital needed to grow your company and you have exhausted your friends and family. For most, this is about the time you need $250,000 or more. It is also after you have developed the beta product/service to the point that you can show some kind of result.
If all you have is an idea, PLEASE, do not start pitching - save your energy, but do start meeting potential investors: angels and VCs. Get some proof of concept before you do any pitches. I prefer to see a customer list - people who have purchased or pre-purchased already. At the very least, a list of people willing to commit to a purchase when the product is done. If you can do that, you can sail through funding rounds.
Then again, if you are a serious Entrepreneur, you know that your number 1 task is to sell your product or service. Don’t wait to have sales staff or a sales force. Get out there and SELL!
Want a good, quick read from a serious Angel Investor? How to be an Entrepreneur - Angel Investors (this link takes you to another site). Who knew Twitter could be so useful! You can follow me on twitter: Miss Mentor .
Step 1: Consider your case.
What have you really done this past year? Did you drive more profit to the bottom line in a meaningful way? Did you suss-out a production inefficiency that has saved your company thousands/millions of dollars? Did you introduce your Boss or Boss’s boss to a premier customer with whom your company now does business? These are the kinds of things to consider. What have you REALLY done that goes beyond showing up for work sober. You DID show up for work sober, right?
Step 2: Begin to Prepare your case.
This is a finer comb activity. This is where years of experience playing chess may net you a nice bag-o-coin, but fret not, you navigate situations like this all the time. To wit, you navigate a freeway all the time (probably). This is just like that. On the freeway you have to avoid the crazy, angry drivers (my father) who cut you off/curse/slow/speed-up at whim, the half blind drivers (my grandfather, who is now no longer driving thankfully) who don’t mean to cause trouble, but can’t really comprehend (due to physical and visual limitations, not competence issues) moving at the speed of the rest of the traffic and aren’t really willing to try, and last but not least, the incompetent drivers - I don’t know what their motivations are, but avoid them. All this, plus you must move your body as quickly as possible to your destination safely. In some cases you dodge, others you may have to weave, but in all cases, you must keep going forward. Right?
Okay, so the destination is your raise/bonus. It is your responsibility to get everyone (all the drivers) to your destination. Which driver is your boss like? Who is in front of him? If your boss is an angry driver and his boss is a grandpa driver then you have a hot head stuck behind a slow poke. Yes? If you give the hot head room to maneuver around the slow poke, that will dissipate some of the angry driver’s energy and he’ll be kinder to you, the helpful driver.
This would be akin to you introducing your boss to a key customer that will give your boss a chance at a big promotion himself. Make sense? Since you’ve played the helpful driver, you can show your boss how you helped him meet “key customer” and that has opened up “door x” to “promotion y” for him. Do this subtly to avoid being tacky.
What if your boss is grandpa? Show him how you helped him stay safe by shielding him from the angry drivers. This would be along the lines of you taking on an extra assignment that his boss was throwing down the line of command; you working on and completing that job quickly, without need for supervision or direction from your boss so your boss’s boss is happy and your boss isn’t burdened with extra duties.
In essence, how have you worked WITH your boss (even if you think he’s a stinking rat fink) to make his/her life easier? Demonstrate that in your request for the raise. Do not expect your boss to remember every detail - to him, to her it was probably of very little consequence. Be succinct. Be clear. Tell the relevant details, get the memories going, make him feel good about how useful, helpful, productive you are and THEN ask for the raise.
Position yourself.
Step 3: Have a non-company mentor review your request.
Always put your request in writing so you can fully frame what you want to say and how you will say it, answer questions, respond to push-back. You may deliver orally, but be prepared in writing. Your boss may actually ask you to submit a paper request - sometimes as a stalling technique, sometimes for official documentation, sometimes just so she doesn’t forget you’ve made the request (me!). This request can be reviewed by your mentor for tactical opportunities, logic and relevance. If you have chosen a mentor in the same industry retired or with another company, she may know things about your company that can help you with your raise request (your Co. is about to win a big contract, your Co. President just lost 1/2 of this year’s earnings on a trip to Vegas, etc.). Do ask her to review your request.
Step 4: Practice, practice, practice.
Business is about presentation. We are constantly marketing ourselves, our product, our service, etc. just to keep the doors open. Embrace it. The better you do with fundamental activities, the higher you will rise. Practice how you will talk to your boss, your responses to questions, your tone of voice. Do it. Seriously. Make it natural. Confidence is earned through mastery of fundamentals - you cannot fake confidence.
If your boss sees you making a very natural request for a raise, he’s more inclined to give it to you.
Step 5: Go for it!
Ask your boss for a meeting time and then make your pitch. Be prepared. Good luck!
So your holiday bills are rolling in and you realize, dang, I need some cash, FAST! Maybe your boss will give you a bonus, right? Well probably not, if all you have to back you is your need. What have you done for your boss lately?
If you have been working diligently - making your boss’ life easier, then you have a fighting chance. However, if you’ve been goofing off or distracted, do not go ask for a raise! In most cases the, “It never hurts to ask,” mentality is good, but when it comes to getting your manager to part with a few pennies . . .
The logic is this: you have a finite number of opportunities each year to request an upgrade, i.e. a bonus. If you squander those opportunities, well, you are totally out-of-luck no matter how great you are. There is a certain seasonality to the process. February - just after the books for last year are closed and your boss knows if there’s some extra cash. July - as your boss budgets for the forthcoming year and enjoys the Northern hemisphere summer, and late-October as your boss’ College Football team is heading for a National Title (a few weeks later if NFL fans). Sure, it seems ridiculous, but there are generousity spikes at those times during the year. I studied and put that very information to use myself while running a not-for-profit years back, grew our donations 5000%, seriously. . . .
But here’s the catch. You have to have been extraordinarily productive in the months just prior to the request or your opportunity is null and void. You will be much less successful (i.e. fail) if you’ve been slacking off just prior to one of these “generousity inflection points,” GIPs. To maximize your GIP potential, work your tushie off for the 2+ months prior to the GIP. For the February GIP, make sure you work extra hard December and January. Got it?
Of course what I really advocate is working your tushie off, excelling beyond comprehension ALL THE TIME, but if you’re one of those folks who has to pace himself, well, use the GIP guide.
So what do you do if a GIP is not soon enough or you know you have to wait out this GIP? First, become very aware of what your boss needs so that she looks awesome to her boss. Second, do it, or at least help her do it. Find a way to insert yourself into your boss’ career path so she can’t help but appreciate you. Avoid passive-aggressive tendencies . . . if you are helping her, do it without expectation of gratification.. You are creating the foundation from which you will be able to approach her for more: money, time, responsibility later.
Go forth and be prosperous!
Hi folks! Pardon the silence. Miss Mentor is busy closing a deal to add a new company to the portfolio. Regular postings will resume on Monday, January 14th, 2008. The new year will bring several interviews with Entrepreneurs who have started large and smaller businesses. We have had a number of requests for the interviews and have a few ready to roll for you.
-The Miss Mentor Team
